doctors

Today we went to an eye specialist per moms doctors request. Moms eyes are fine minimal cataracts which is to be expected at her age. I took along my information on the loss of visuospatial skill. She was on her best behavior through the whole process (3 hours long). Now mom can go back to her regular optomitrist. I think what bothers me is that her primary doctor did not have the same information I did on mom. I can't say it enough if you are a primary care giver get and read all medical records. All hospitalization records. We have one goal to keep our loved ones as healthy as possible. I can add another hat as a patient advocate.

sorry computer was down

Never thought I would rely on this blog like I do till I cant write down daily events. I want to thank everyone for thier kind wishes and continued viewing of my journal.

depression

One week to Christmas; mom has become increasingly depressed. It still surprises me that her very lucid thought is that my father was supposed to wait for her. Her mood swings are unpredictable. Once she starts ranting their is no way to calm her down. We have to let her work through it, then she is fine. Anger gone and pleasant. Seems that she is more confused and angry when it starts getting dark. A friend was talking about a sunlamp to maybe help with this problem. She said it had to do with the bodies need for melatonin. I'm going to ask her doctor what he thinks. I will try just about anything once. Still haven't come with a solution to the bathroom issue.

staying dressed

I wish I could understand the aversion people with ALZ have with clothes. It has been a unique couple of days with mom. I cant seem to keep her dressed while at home. I thought it was because she was not sleeping that her confusion was getting worse, I now think it is just a part of her dementia. We have doctors apts. today. I will ask the experts and see if they have answers. Let you know what I find out. Still haven't figured out the bathroom issue yet. Ideas appreciated.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a day I do not want to relive. Mom woke up angry and very paranoid. She kept saying " I don't know what is going on but, I don't like it". My very calm sister tried to help via the phone without luck. Her care giver was also a target of her paranoia. She was bound and determined to go outside and freeze. We were able to keep her in and get her redirected with a movie. took a while but, we got her to eat take her meds and things mellowed. I don't know what brought on the paranoia still trying to figure that out maybe a dream she had. But, this morning she is fine and in a great mood.

Changes

I have noticed mom needs a lot more direction when doing about anything. I thought she was just being difficult due to depression, but I was told yesterday that at daycare it is the same thing. Even with her eating they need to cut up her food or give her one thing at a time. It amazes me how moms mental state has changed since she broke her hip. trying to keep her healthy and safe has become a top priority.

Moms anger

Mom spent most of the weekend mad. Which was okay. I know anger raises the blood pressure and gets the heart pumping. It also makes her stop finding reasons she can't do something and just does it.
I have found that you cannot fight with someone with ALZ.. You cannot be logical with an illogical person. The only way to win is to never get pulled into an argument. If you do you lose.

Another Day

Today mom is mad since I wont hang her clothes up for her. Silly things seem to really get to her. But, in my defense if I hang them up now (which she can do), I'll have to hang them up again tonight. I continue to push her to do all she can and she keeps pushing back with "I can't do anything". Stay tuned to see who wins.

Reality stinks

Well it has been a couple of long days. I have to accept that mom no longer has control of her bowels or bladder functions. I gave up padded underwear for depends. I still have not figured out how to keep her from coming across the house to use the bathroom which is right next to her bedroom. I have a few ideas but, have not tried them yet. I'll let you know how they work. We have been up the last few nights. Not talking about memories, her wanting to be put to sleep because she feels worthless. I try to understand the feeling and can to some point. I am not losing my memories or abilities but, I have lost my independence and the feeling of worth by working as a nurse. The comparison is not the best but it does help me. Today she is at day care I hope it helps to lift her spirits. Then carries through the night so we can both sleep.

Cleaning

Cleaning with mom is like cleaning with a 3 year old. She tries so hard to help. But, seems to undo what I have done. I have learned to let her clean bedrooms before I do. Then I go in and clean. Though she is not to clean closets. This is because as I have said, mom takes everything off the hangers and lays them on the floor of the closet. One room I don't have to worry about is the bathroom, mom really hates the bathroom. Hardly ever goes in.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today has been really good for mom. I think it is all the activity going on around her.She is upbeat and relaxed. All the family called, mom enjoyed talking to each and everyone. This is the first Thanksgiving with severe dementia and I wasn't sure how it would go. I am pleasantly surprised. Hope every ones day went as well.

The money saga continues

Mom was obsessing about money again. The fake money did'nt work to long, as you can tell. Thank god I have a sister to call to back me up. ( I am lucky that way). For support you should have someone to back you up. For my mom it is one of my brother-in-laws. She really does better with men in authority. They know what is going on in our home and know to generalize an answer to soothe my mom. Support for the care giver is so important. I did'nt really understand the full extent of what I was getting into. That is a fact. But, I don'nt feel that I am alone. We are a family taking care of our Brother and our Mother. Only, I get to be on the front line for now,Knowing that I always have back up if it is needed.

Thanks Giving

There are some people in my life who really make a difference. They mean so much that I wonder how I could ever get along without them. When I look back, I can see the void that they fill in my heart. That's the way I feel about my family. You go out of your way for me, to make me feel special. In case you don't know, you are so important to me. I am grateful to have you in my life.

Changes

Mom has been wandering a lot more than usual. She has lost most of her bladder control. So cleaning the carpets is daily. I don't think this will change. She is becoming more confused when trying to converse with others. I have found their can not be any distractions when trying to talk to her or her mind wanders. She no longer reads or writes. She can not sign her name anymore. She looks the same so it is hard to try and adjust to what is going on in her mind. She is being robbed of her life past and present. But, she still has that kind spirit that makes her my mom.

Mom ohh mom

Mom was up a lot last night. She was worried and could not tell me why. Except to say " I told him to wait for me and he didn't". She always looks so lost when she is like that. I wish with all the leaps and bounds they medically have made with ALZ. They could do something for her. It is hard to watch her shuffle around,as she is not sure where she is going. She continues to go to daycare which is good for her but, she does not have as much fun as she used to. But, she is eating better now that they are only giving her one food item at a time. I wish I could lift her spirits some how.

Ageing

I don't know what drives me crazier. The Social Security agency, The council on ageing or the 3 doctor's office's. Or maybe medicare RX, So much red tape for so little services. I seem to go to meetings monthly. I expect it will slow down but, it still doesn't erase now. Mom's mood has'nt changed much. She got a phone call about a friend who is'nt doing well(health wise). She was unhappy the rest of the day. I guess that I have to tell her friends about (sunshine and roses only) when speaking to mom.

Difficult day

Today is a cloudy cold day. I know in the institutions a full moon changes the clients attitudes. But, does it do the same with the rain and cold? Mom is really confused today and agitated. She is complaining of being ignored and unloved. She refuses to stay dressed. She has taken everything out of her drawers and closet 3 times today. Only to deny doing it. I really feel overwhelmed. My daughter has stepped in and I have gone to hide in my room for awhile. It is so hard to see her like this when their is no way to redirect her or give her comfort. I know it will pass but, not today. Her confusion usually starts around 5pm. So I will wait and wonder about tonight. I am sorry to whine, Some times things eat at me. This blog has been a release. I will continue to hope tomorrow will bring sunshine.

Sunny warm day

It has been a good day. Warm outside with the sun shinning. We cleaned up outside putting away the last of the summer nick knacks I cooked hamburgers. Not bad for the middle of November. I find I enjoy these days a lot. Mom was not very confused. She was smiling and talkative. She wasn't anxious or angry. I guess it is like the weather if you don't have bad weather you wouldn't appreciate the good.

Night off

It has been one of those day's which I don't think I can do much right. But, thanks to my daughter, I am taking tonight off mom is in my daughters capable hands. I am still in the house, but in hiding. I am going to my room, reading then taking a long bath. It is funny when I was young mom sent me to my room. Now that I am grown I send myself.

Laundry continued

I had a comment about the amount of laundry I do. Let me explain. Mom does not have the best bladder control, which padded underwear helps from her being embarrassed. but, she does like to change clothes a lot. She tries to wear my brothers clothes as well as her own. Plus, I still have to do my teenage son's laundry as well as mine and my husbands and my brothers (he lives with us and is mentally retarded). I didn't want anyone to think it was all my mom's fault for the amount of laundry I do. But, I do wish I had purchased the kind of washers that they have at laundry mats.