my mom my stranger

I long for the days of no worries. I miss the days of just doing and not having to think constantly. I am tired of being creative. I am tired of trying to fix problems daily. I sit with my mom who has dementia and it is progressing so fast now. I want her with me for so much longer. But, want her to have peace. Again with guilt. My prayers are with all the caregivers that are feeling the same as I do. My mom my stranger.

Hospice

I met with Hospice today. What a wonderful organization. I was informed that I could stop feeling guilty for not wanting to take mom into the doctor's office. They have nurses and doctors that will come to her. They also provide respite services if I was to get sick. ( I can now get sick) Or want to take a weekend off. They have assistant to help with bath's. Volunteers to sit with mom for a couple of hours if I need to go to the store. Or want to work in my yard on the weekend. I have been blessed to meet so many  wonderful kind people willing to assist me. I am just one of many caregivers with a loved one at home. Please check within your community for these wonderful services. Bless you all. Thank you for reading my blog.

A wise woman once said

I was told once, a skill is lost by a loved one with Alzheimer's it is like closing a blind that can not be opened again. I am learning this to be true. I get frustrated when the simple skills that my mom has been able to retain slowly disappear. The lost look I see in her eyes. I so want to reopen that blind. I have a hard time focusing on the positive. That is were my village comes in. I count on their kind words of encouragement to help me remain focused on the things she can still do.  Luv you all.

The body knows even when the mind does not.

My mom has fought High blood pressure and diabetes for 10 years.  I had blogged that she began refusing her medication about a month ago. I knew she was winding down and have learned to pick my fights. For my own sanity. Though my mom has gained about 10-15 pounds over the last year her blood pressure has been holding at 134/74. Her blood sugar is 98. I will not ask why. But, believe the body knows.

Always a new question

Is this the calm before the storm or is mom feeling better. I have done a lot of hospice over the years. I do not know what worries me more. Mom confused and not eating or mom somewhat alert and eating.   I pray I get to keep her for years to come. Thou she begs to have that gate open for her. And  she remains afraid to sleep. Such a cruel way to end life, to have one's long term and short term memories taken. Only to be left with fear.